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Amongst all of today’s hoo-hah over fish pedicures (the Government’s Health Protection Agency says they could spread diseases like HIV and Hepatitis C: the Terrence Higgins Trust reckons the risk is minute at best) one thing seems to have been overlooked and that’s the ethics of a ‘treatment’  that uses live animals to achieve its results.

I’ve never had a fish pedicure, nor do I ever want one. I remember coming across some tanks in Selfridges, on the menswear floor, and seeing an assortment of knarled men’s feet being plonked into them while girls hung around squealing like five-year-olds. The spectacle – for that’s what it was – put me off for life.

Do fish have feelings? Who knows but I still don’t think they should be exploited in this way. I mean, my cat has a rough tongue but I don’t get it to exfoliate my face. I do the decent thing and use a face scrub. Know what I mean?